In a World of Selfies, Twitter and Instagram likes, We all have those days when we don’t feel our best, we feel like we’re not good enough, like there’s a little voice telling us that we don’t fit in etc… doubts and fears and anxiety creeps in to our daily lives in many different ways and sometimes it feels hard to see the positive aspects of ourselves and seeing our self-worth. Here are a few of the ways that I find help when I’m having those days of self-doubt.
1. People Think I’m weird: I’ve thought this one from day one about me. I was weird in school because I liked Britney Spears and Nine Inch Nails… apparently that “wasn’t possible” as I was told. you’re not weird, you’re different and “different” is NOT a bad thing at all. Everyone’s different, if we weren’t, this would be a very boring world to live in. Different is good… different opinions, different taste in clothing, music, food, hobbies… whatever it is that you love doing. and I’ll bet there’s someone sitting next to you on the train every morning who thinks that people think they’re weird for liking sriracha on their toast (for example). Embrace your “weird”
2. I’ll Never be that Successful: How successful you are is proportionate to how hard you work at something. It’s easy to look at someone else’s success and think you’ll never be like that but never forget that dreams and goals are one thing and will get you the idea of what you want and where you want to be but good old fashioned hard work and perseverance are what’s going to get you to those goals! Also don’t forget that reaching those goals won’t happen overnight, even the biggest YouTube stars like Justin Bieber and Zoella for example, they put in the effort and built their brands but it took a while for them to get there. As Ashton Kutcher said at the Teen Choice Awards (in one of the best acceptance speeches ever!) Opportunity looks a lot like Hard Work! Work Hard and don’t let fear hold you back.. you’ll get where you want to be, just give it some time.
3. Nobody likes me: Now this one I’ve felt, worrying that I’m not cool enough or I’m just a bit weird and people don’t like me… it’s a horrible feeling, and I can completely understand. But really, it’s highly unlikely that nobody likes you, unless you’re a genuinely unpleasant person, and that’s more than likely not the case. Just because your Best Friend or your Boyfriend/ Girlfriend didn’t text you back immediately, don’t panic! It’s probably just that they’re in the middle of something. people can sometimes take against you for the strangest reasons, reasons you may never figure out but are those the kind of people you want to be around? Probably not. Be yourself and stop caring so much about people not liking you… people will start to feel more at ease around you if you’re not trying too hard.
4. I Don’t fit in: I never fitted in, at University, at School (College was great, I felt like I belonged there with some awesome people) but most other places, I liked different things, different music, different movies, I believed that you didn’t just have to settle for Mr Right Now, that Romances could be like they were in movies (to a degree) I was told I was naive for that one but honestly, who cares. That was who I was and you don’t have to do what everyone else says you should do just to fit in. If everyone “cool” decided to go jump off a cliff, would you do it just to fit in with them? No! so just do your own thing and do what makes you happy and joyful. you’ll eventually draw the right people towards you by simply being yourself and being a happy person to be around… just think about Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter; everyone thought she was loopy at first and then Neville fell in love with her and she helped Harry find Rowena Ravenclaw’s tiara! Yup… i’m a Potter nerd and proud!
5. I know it sounds cliched and it’s been said by a million others ad nauseum but you are worth more than an Instagram “like”. A recent study has confirmed that self-harm in young girls has increased by nearly 70% since 2011, the rise is partly due to the pressures that young girls feel to look good on Social Media. Instagram is not in any sense of the word “real life” it’s a perfectly curated highlight reel of pretty little squares. The new algorithm and engagement drops shouldn’t define your self-worth to you. So if you’re finding you’re starting to feel frustrated and sad when you’re going through Instagram, put down the phone and walk away.
6. Think back on a Happy memory. If you find yourself starting to feel down then immediately counter it and think back to a memory that was so happy and when you were laughing and having a great time, let that be the memory and emotion that takes over when negativity starts to creep in – that’s a trick that my Counselor told me about.
7. Breathe. Yes, seriously, deep breathing. I’ve found myself doing this a lot recently, when I start to feel panicked or anxious or I feel negativity coming on, breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds and then breathe out for 8 seconds. Trust me, this one works. You will immediately start feeling more calm and your mind will be less foggy and able to think more rationally.
8. Get some Perspective – it kind of goes hand in hand with point number 6 but take a step back when negative thoughts and feelings creep up and remember that your mind is powerful and it can make things seem much worse than they really are. If one bad thing happens, it doesn’t mean that everything else that follows will be bad. We often spiral off in to negativity after one thing goes sideways because we allow the thoughts of “oh well that was just the worst thing ever, this is such a terrible day, bad things come in threes so what if something else goes wrong today.’ Stop your mind in its tracks and breathe, don’t allow one negative experience in a day to create more negativity in your day with a negative attitude.
9. Be grateful. Write down 3 things that you are grateful for that day, doesn’t matter how small these things are, your Husband made you a cup of coffee in the morning, you got a seat on the train to work, your favourite song played on the radio in the car that morning on your commute (because lets face it – all our favourite songs just sound even better when they are played on the radio when you weren’t expecting it!) little things. When you look for things to be grateful for, you end up finding more to be grateful for overall.
10. Give yourself a Break! We’re all running a thousand miles an hour trying to get everything done and be the best that we can be. Slow Down and give yourself a break, life is hard, it’s not a bed of roses, things will go wrong and that’s OK. grow from that adversity and find new ways to move past it and get things done and don’t be so hard on yourself when things do go wrong. It’s not always going to be your burden to shoulder or your fault.